I will survive. I will.

I feel so tired with my damn project.. slow progress, got to read and read more articles, papers, journals and people's speech. Today, I am really having hard times to improve one part of it. Sometimes, I just want to give up and leave this project away for good.

Global economy, currency mismatch, bond market, secondary mortgage market, capital control, liquidity problem, capital market, regional initiatives, moral hazard, mortgage backed securities, rating agency... whatever you called it. I can't take it anymore for tonight. Hope tomorrow would be better.

Anyway, I think I had done one or two things today for this project - it might be a small thing but I am moving forward slowly but very sure.

One Macbook Please!!

I need to buy a new notebook and I am thinking to buy Macbook. I don’t know whether it will match with my expectation and budget or not. Last Sunday, I went to one of the best Mac store in the world at Yurakucho. Four storey shop building with a training center at third floor and it is for free. Imagine if you want to buy something and you are at the point of “after buy cost” or cost to master the thing you bought.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with my notebook, it is a good one, Toshiba with 15” screen, I got it last year so it just one year old. The problem, it’s belong to my ex company and like it or not I got to return it. Oh….
Well, anyway what I saw in Mac store was a very nice one, small sized, looks nice and powerful with affordable option (that’s what I thought so). I love Windows since the very beginning of it, but somehow I feel something wrong is going on with Windows future. I don’t feel that they go to the right direction. Vista might be a success story, but if someone could get Mac OSx and Windows XP – I bet you know what would be their choices.

What I feel is Apple really serious to get more and more users. Sometimes we got to compromise to one or two things in the world, if we really want to be the best and that’s what Apple has been doing to beat all odds and to win the market. Well, I don’t know for sure, what do you think?

God Alone Gives Wisdom, Knowledge and Happiness

"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God"

人には、食べたり飲んだりし、自分の労若に満足を見いだすよりほかに、何もよいことがない。これもまた、神の御手によることがわかった。実に神から離れて、だれが食べ、だれが楽しむことができようか。なぜなら、神は、みこころにかなう人には、知恵と知識と喜ぶを与え、罪人には、神のみこころにかなう者に渡すために、集め、たくわえる仕事を与えられる。これもまた、むなしく、風を追うようなものだ。

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 (In Bahasa: Pengkotbah)

Once again, through several occasions God reminds me to remember that Money, Power and Knowledge would not give me a meaningful life nor a true victory – it would be a chasing after wind.

Everything I undertake should involve God. All my plans should include Him. For only when God is the reason for my behavior; only when God is the purpose of my victory and only when I do what God wants me to do – my life would be meaningful.

Without His wisdom, all of my best efforts and pursuits can be a snare in life.
Without His wisdom, what would I do with my knowledge and would it lead me and my family to the true happiness?

Only God alone gives us wisdom, knowledge and happiness.

Win Your Health

After dropped off for more than two months as I was very busy and the weather was freaking cold (it’s supposed to be warm spring days), I went jogging today while the sun came out. Well, it isn’t a bad jogging course, running along a small river, flat area and less people. I guess my condition is fairy good today. The thing is I need to quit smoking soonest before it is too late.

Maybe if I have a good chance, I will go to Imperial Palace area, the residence of the Emperor of Japan. This palace is at the center of Japan since the establishment of the shogunate government of Edo in 1604. It is a famous jogging area, a 5 km course starts near Sakuradamon and continues around the inner moat of the Palace.
Passing by the Imperial Palace Public Square, Takebashi and the cherry blossom-famed Chidorigafuchi, then the British Embassy, the National Theater, the National Diet Building, and back again to Sakuradamon. I will take a picture and post it in here next time I go there.

This course attracts many joggers not only on weekends and holidays, in particular during lunch time break, many businessmen running in their overalls or shorts along the moats of the palace.

Let's start running for health, fitness and enjoyment.Good health is the precious gift of God and the precious gift that you can give to your loved ones.

Real or Unreal - Both!

One month ago just one week before I go to Japan, I went to Lampung for business trip and also for holiday... I went there with my wife and kids...
So, the morning day before we back to Jakarta, we went to a kind of semi private beach owned by my friend. It is a lovely shallow beach with few kerapu (grouper) breeders scattered near the seaside.



At that time, I was so damned fall in love with that place and try to forget my trip to Japan - as I know it is gonna be totally different kind of life scenes from I enjoyed here. We really had a good time, swimming, having barbeque and playing at the sea shore. I felt that there was a distinctive split, with only easy living on one side and "must do" on the other.

My "must do" is just nearby a place what people called an unreal market, where people buy and sell a PAPER and to some extent they just buy and sell few bytes of data telling a value of one thing.

Tonite just several minutes to midnight, listening to some gospel songs from Joe Pace, I am feeling so empty with my flashy Ph.D. program in bond market, stock daytrading and all those finance structuring models - gee,.. I feel like I am being trapped into something unreal.

So it's difficult for me to tell if my disappointment in it is justified or not. Somehow, I got to go this way first before I could enjoy those "real life" and somehow, we got to choose both or nothing at all. That's life!! Who said we only have one choice at one time?!! At least, it is not me!

God bless you

BMW K1200 GT - My Dream Bike

If I had the money, that would be the EXACT bike that I would purchase.
I saw it in the luxury BMW show room this afternoon near TamaikeSanno. The more I look at it, the more I love it.


Total cost would be around 2,7 million yen... yes it is very expensive compare to its competitors Honda Pan European ABS and Yamaha FJR 1300 A. Well, there is no other way to afford it, I got to work smart so I could buy it in near future. Nothing is impossible in this world, right?.

In here, I could ride it on weekends and spend some hours,kicking around city, cruising the country side or riding it to other cities during holiday. Anyway, it still a dream and like The Alchemist said if you desire a thing strongly, the universe will conspire to make your wishes come true.

Bottom Line

I've been working on my top priority project for the past 3 months and most of that time was spent developing the idea and trying to get all necessary documents done, managing resources and getting approval from authorities. Somehow, I feel that I am really under pressure and to some extent I think to give up. I guess there are two most important things to remember before you start something big or important or something that needs full attention,

It’s better to talk about your idea, plan or project to closest friends and colleagues rather than hide it from everyone. You get so much more value from people's feedback than you get risk from people stealing your idea. Bottom line is about sharing meaning that we need someone in our life to be our sharing partner!

It may take a lot longer than you think it will. Before I landed in this crowded city, I thought I could finish my project in August 2007. When I met with my professor, he said that dead line would be in late October 2007 so even I can finish it earlier it would not make any differences. At last, I was shocked and need to readjust my schedule, resources and of course Money!. Certainly, it is not a good situation for me but at whatsoever I have to achieve my goal. Bottom line is we have to spare some times just in case if thing does not go as we expect.

Nongkrong @ Excelsior Caffe

Today is my fourth day in Tokyo and thanks God I really enjoy my days here in Tokyo (27 March 2007). It’s been 3 years since I left Japan in 2004.
I am sitting on the excelsior café, enjoying cigarettes and coffee while reading few bond related articles
It’s not easy to get back at the same level of knowledge as my job was far away from this field.

Well, I don’t want to talk about bond for this time, what I wanna talk is this place, a modern coffee shop with slow latin music, nice atmosphere and nice people
I came here 3 days ago with my bro, I said to him a place like this is a result of small and uncomfortable apartment in Tokyo.

People needs some place and privacy, if people go outside just to escape from their small box then I guess when they go to coffee shop – they do expect some privacy
So when half of the visitors expect the same thing – then u will find a comfortable atmosphere inside the coffee shop – nobody cares about nobody
They give a space to public for having their privacy so they also can get their privacy